Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A Breed Apart

With babies much on our minds at the moment, what with one thing and another, we take a moment for a quick follow-up on Les Knight and his Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

Long-time listener, first time caller Razzamatazz steps in with an excellent idea in the comments, namely to appeal for celebrity volunteers to sign up to Mr Knight’s self-denying ordinance for the benefit of humanity. He suggests Ant and Dec for starters, and who can blame him?


But I’m inclined to go the extra mile and actually offer awards for those who, recognizing their own fundamental superfluity to human progress and world happiness, omit to piss in the gene pool, whether by accident or design. Think of the joy in their dull little eyes, and the frenzied wagging of their vestigial tails, when they see the coveted VHEM seal of approval waiting for them in their inboxes.

So come on folks – your nominations, please. And if there’s an email address to go with, so much the better…


Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, yesterday – prime candidates for the VHEM Grand Cross and Bar, with Oak Leaves. Let’s hope chronic gonorrhea completes its noble work before the next generation’s prime time TV is infested with more of these mewling parasites…

5 comments:

johnnyboy said...

Not sure that the disappearance of Paris and her ilk would be a good thing. Deprived of their hourly Celebrity News opium, the numbed masses might re-awaken to the entertainment possibilities of their own bodies, and start breeding like newly hatched moths.

This said, I'd love it if this one could spontaneously combust.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Good point, well made. But people dumb enough to enjoy the simple life only have a one-in-three chance of sticking the right thing in the right hole anyway, so Mother Nature in Her wisdom has built in a few checks and balances.

Unfortunately, Tom has already managed to squeeze one out, making him ineligible for the award. Not that that means we shouldn't slam his nuts in a car door anyway, just on general principle.

R. Sherman said...

Oh, dear. So many worthy candidates. Perhaps Chelsea Clinton should forego procreating just on principle. We know where she came from.

Cheers.

Desargues said...

First prize, ex aequo, undeniably goes to the dead-eyed, soulless couple striking an American Gothic pose in your picture, Ivan. I was scratching my head for a good candidate to second place, but I see the First Scientologist of the Republic has been nominated already. Perhaps his equally annoying African-American equivalent would do? Should he refuse to do so voluntarily, perhaps we could get George Bush to declare a war on Martin Lawrence. If David Addington and John Yoo want to argue for a unitary executive, surely they should make the case that the President can declare the talentless thespian a persona non grata in these here United States. It would be for the common good. Maybe the French would have him. He'd bring such a breath of fresh lame-ass comedic spirit in the grim world of their cinematography.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Martin Lawrence is a level 4 thetan too? Oh say it ain't so...

Explains a lot about his films tho'. No-one can be a Scientologist and still have a working sense of humour.