Now that we have punched out our last kid and, barring the intervention of a pitcher of margaritas and a Barry White CD, have put childbearing behind us, I find myself beginning to worry about who my shavers will eventually marry. Especially the girl.
Of course one hopes for plain, round daughters, if only so one doesn't have to spend the 2020s chasing bikers off the lawn. Unfortunately, #3 is already cute as a button, but at least I'll have the boys around as back-up.
Instead I take consolation in the fact that, now I have a daughter, I will at last get to fulfill a long time fantasy and say "I forbid you to marry him" at regular intervals. Examples of potential hims are...
Bill Clinton (also applies to internships)
Arnold Schwartzenegger (included in the interests of political balance)
anyone called Keith (I give you Keith Richards, just as an example...)
Manchester United fans who don't live in Manchester
all the other Manchester United fans
men with goatees
divorce lawyers, and
Might be worth moving to Massachusetts, just so I can add Roseanne Barr to the list.
Who would you add?
Roseanne Barr, yesterday, wearing her politics on her plus-sized sleeve with Michael Moore. Roseanne is on the left. Or is it the right? Whatever. She’s every inch the dream daughter-in-law.