Thursday, April 27, 2006

NuLaFu™ update


Truly a ministry of all the talentless. "You behold a range of exhausted volcanoes. Not a flame flickers on a single pallid crest." Where's our Disraeli? God knows we need one now.

In other Colossal Labour Cockbiter news, “Lord” Kinnock has been given a six month ban for persistent speeding on the M4. Contrary to all common sense, he was apparently speeding towards Wales on each occasion, but despite this obvious cry for help the judge did not think to order psychiatric observation.

One interesting little nugget was that the car he was driving was an Audi registered to his wife. I believe Glenys works for the EU herself now that he’s finally been pried off the Brussels teat. I dare say that there’s some sort of blatant and shameless expenses scam involved there, not to mention diplomatic plates and tax exemption, I shouldn’t wonder. Or maybe he’s just a puffed-up arrogant little twat and serial failure who can’t be trusted with a car of his own. But I’d hate to live in a world where that could be true…

"The sentence is fair” the ginger rodent told grinning journalists outside the court, yesterday. “Speeding is a killer, after all.” We should be so lucky.


“Lord” Kinnock, yesterday. God, how that title makes me want to spit. It’s probably too much to hope for that the former EU Transport Commissioner will now have to take a bloody bus occasionally.

13 comments:

Desargues said...

Must confess my own ignorance of who's a hot-shot these days in British politics, just like Randall (well, at least he's a colonial subject, so he should know those things; I'm only a bemused foreigner--maybe I can be forgiven). Last British scandal I remember had Peter Mandelson doing something for (to?) some man or other. Then there was this royal brat who thought it was cool to show up as a freckled, redheaded Afrikakorps space cadet at some party (he musta learnt his social graces from his fun-lovin' defunct mom). There was a woman--Tessa? Jeez, what kind of a name is that?--vaguelly associated with the Cosa Nostra, or was it just just that clown Silvio B. Gosh, I lost track of all this. All of a sudden, britain seems like a very scandalous country--you'd say it's France under Louis XVI or something.

But I digress. Look, I don't have a clue who's the most disgraceful Blairite in Albion these days--could be William Hague, as far as I know. But I'll have this much to say: in early 19th century Britain, the punishment for attempted suicide was death. Now it seems it's down to six months. Someone who's speeding up towards Wales can only be trying to take his own life. There's no other rational explanation for that.

HA HA HA said...

taht kinock olooks a bit liek donel trump dosn e?

Ivan the Terrible said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi Des - like the old gay joke, if New Labour has its way suicide will soon be compulsory. They're certainly making it daily more attractive.

3H, that's a very disturbing thought. But now you mention it they do have a lot in common, and not just the hair...

Gorilla Bananas said...

Kinnock, to be fair, has mellowed with age. I am pretty sure he once got into a fight with a man who slapped his head.

Desargues said...

What puzzles me about this is, who would have an affair with John Prescott, fer God's sake? I mean, he makes Tim "Pumpkinhead" Russert look like Richard Gere.

A propos of not much, I recently met a cute young English lass who tells me she's a Blairite. No, this is true. She was hot in a British Rose-ish sort of way. As she was blathering to me about Rawlins, Will Hutton, the PFI, education reform and such, as I was privately pondering what would it take for her to go out with me. Half an hour of trashing Gordon Brown, I thought? Or maybe shamelessly extolling the sartorial virtues of the Maximus Leader Britannicus? Perhaps finding something good to say about Alastair Campbell? Anyway, towards the end of the evening I found out she was married. Pity. Had to listen to that NuLab nonsense merely for the pleasure of staring at her freckled, pretty face. She had beautiful hair, though.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Sleeping with Blairites is like trying to screw zombies - the dubious pleasure is not worth the risk of infection.

As for Prescott, once again the odious Kissinger is proven correct - power (or at least its appearance) is the ultimate aphrodisiac. For some chicks, any uniform is enough, even an NCP Car Park attendant. And for some others, any minister will do. David Mellor taught the Brits that. You won't remember him either, Des, but he made Prescott look like Rupert Everett...

PI said...

Just don't get me started!
You think you have problems with Bush.
This lot wouldn't recognise a principle if they fell over one.
They are a load of scroungers,liars,
hypocrites and they will not be shamed.
And I despair.
Haig/ Hague BTW is , I believe a decent man for a Yorkshireman.
Bring back decency. Puleese!

PI said...

Des Prince Harry, of course, idiot though he is at times, has nothing to do with British Politics - unlike his father who will not shut up - bless him!

HA HA HA said...

?!

Ivan the Terrible said...

Yup, I saw that. It occurs to me that Gordon probably thinks Blair arranged his current holy trinity of gobsmacking incompetence specifically to knock Jolie's Brown-nosing off of the front pages.

And now I come to think of it, maybe he did. There's a certain bunker-style Gotterdammerung quality to everything Tony does nowadays...

Aunty Marianne said...

For the record, Glenys does not "work for the EU". As an MEP she has been elected (presumably by people who didn't know better) to represent them at the European Parliament. I've always said one of the difficult things about democracy is that people get the government they ask for.

Ivan the Terrible said...

The word "work" was probably a poor choice to start with...