Monday, September 11, 2006

Silver linings

Animal Planet presses the Diana button, launching a 24-hour Crocodile Hunter marathon in honour of Steve Irwin.

The non-stop barrage of crikeys and sunburnt knees become a little wearing after the first six hours or so, but on the upside it does provide a handy context in which to break the news of the great man’s untimely death to the kids. The boys take it surprisingly well, the pain being dulled by the knowledge that thanks to the marathon they now have enough Crocodile Hunter on tape to last them well into their second marriages.

Now that the kids are taken care of, it’s high time we adults got a look in. I hope Clint Eastwood dies next. He’s great


Go ahead, punk – make my day.

10 comments:

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

It's difficult to say who it'll be 'cos these oldies are so well preserved these days, although i do suspect Kirk Douglas died a while back and they're just wheeling him about and pretending he's a bit deaf these days. Of course today's audiences don't want a quiet slipping beyond the veil for their heroes; they want violent accidents and one-in-a-million-who'd-have-thought-its with informative 6pm news pieces on the sharp bits of wild animals. Murder is what we really want though. With blood and ooooh! semen and bad-apple policemen and these blonde CNN lawyers and Larry King and the president pausing in the important work of the nation to send his thoughts to the family. The ante's being upped all the time. An actor's best performance must be his demise in mysterious circumstances, theses days. If he wants more than a day's tribute on AMC and a post-lifestyle section mention on the news.

Ivan the Terrible said...

No fear then, Sam - I dare say Mel Gibson will oblige under at least two of those headers before long. The Jews are out to get him, you know...

Seamus said...

Let's face it, the Cruiser can only go crazier and crazier. If ever there was a man "most likely to be murdered" it is he.

Ivan the Terrible said...

That would count as a mercy killing, surely, Seamus. Not a jury in the world would convict you...

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I see Cruise more as the murderer than the murderee. Something to do with his ever more wild eyes and unhinged mien. And the fact that he got mad with Matt Lauer, surey one of the nation's blandest and inoffensive celebrities.

Erika said...

Mercy for him, or mercy for us?

Thomas Pauli said...

If one could see the "demise in mysterious circumstances" as a guarantee not to be haunted again after a similarly mysterious reappearance, like all these rock bands from the seventies, it would be worth trying. But, look what happened to Elvis - he just multiplied!

PI said...

I have never liked Virginia Mckenna and like her even less after reading her ostensibly respectful but truly bitchy obit piece about Steve Irwin. Most people acknowledge that he has done much for the conservation of wild life but not old fossil face - that is her preserve!
Good! I feel better now. Better than wtiting to the DT. Thanks Ivan.

Ivan the Terrible said...

You're very welcome, Pi. Get it off your chest - don't edit yourself... :)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Cruise's problem is a poo-poo fetish. That's the first sign of madness in the jungle. The only known cure is to moon at a rhino and let nature take its course.