Saturday, November 11, 2006

In your Sunday Irae Magazine this week

Whatever happened to...


...toddlers falling down wells?

10 comments:

R. Sherman said...

You're right about that. After the last several months of so-called "news," we need a little pathos, eh?

Cheers.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Well, there's that too, Randall, of course. But my basic question is where did all the wells and toddlers go? Time was they ran on average about once a week. Are modern kids just too fat to fit, or what?

Gorilla Bananas said...

People must be filling their wells with garbage instead of toddlers. If you're a well, you get treated like a dustbin once your water runs out.

Rob said...

Oh, they're still falling down there. They're just not cute anymore. Fuck 'em

R. Sherman said...

Think of it as Natural Selection at work. The wells have done their job culling the herd, as it were.

Ivan the Terrible said...

So being fat is genetically advantageous, then, Randall? That explains a lot.

On the other hand, maybe wells are just not intelligently designed...

Rob said...

How dare you! So, wells are just holes in the ground that ?happen to fill up with water eh? Noone put them there hmmmm? That's just a THEORY! How do they know to fill up?!
Answer me that, smart aleck!

Rob said...

Plus, if your children are thin, that means they don't eat enough. This is both unamerican and proof you are poor and probably a satanist to boot.

Fat Sparrow said...

I live not too far from the Stringfellow Acid Pits. If any kids around here fell down wells, they would be dissolved instantly.

Aunty Marianne said...

If the media are really desperate and you can't find a sufficiently thin kid, why not go for some charismatic megafauna? Cute marmoset, big shiny eyes glimmering in news camera lights, and so on. Has the plus of journalists being able to sound all clever by mentioning CITES.

Whereas a politician down a well...