Friday, January 27, 2006

The Sisterhood of the Travelling Ponce

Michael Jackson is spotted in Bahrain wearing traditional women's clothing, we learn from the inestimable BBC News.

Not, we should make clear, the boob tube and mini-skirt of the British female, but the somewhat more sombre veil and gloves typical of his recently adopted home. Perhaps he feels that children will find him more approachable in this garb, although of course why he should want that is not a topic upon which one cares to speculate. He has previously wandered into ladies’ lavatories over there too, which suggests a marginally more innocent explanation for this latest display of wackery.

But simple charity prompts us to assume the best of everyone, and so we suggest, just for the sake of argument, that Mr Jackson is actually making a statement of solidarity with the females of that benighted region. After all, just beyond Bahrain’s narrow borders women are locked in the house and forbidden to maneouvre huge 4x4s around supermarket car parks in search of a pint of milk and some chocolate hob-nobs. This is generally agreed to be a Bad Thing.

So hats, gloves and abayas off to Michael for so bravely challenging patriarchal gender hierarchies. Hopefully this is a sincere personal choice, and not a case of making a virtue of necessity. Noses might not be the only thing hanging by a thread after so many operations.

Michael’s handlers take a break from sweeping up the bits he leaves behind to berate the press. Apparently Michael doesn’t want the photographers to scare the children, which is a bit rich coming from a mass of scar tissue dressed like a Tusken Raider.

Michael Jackson has two sons, both called Prince Michael. I’m beginning to think there’s something a little bit odd about him, you know…


Michael Jackson yesterday. I am Wacko – hear me roar!

12 comments:

PI said...

He is mad as a hatter or a March hare of course, although why either of them should be considered so is a puzzle. I think he has dreadful skin problems which possibly means it's better if he covers up. It is better for everybody if he covers up.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Yes - when will the world learn? Pop music is best left to *black* musicians. No wonder he couldn't cope...

Gorilla Bananas said...

He might have been rehearsing in drag for the exciting new pantomime: Sheik in Boots. Creative artist though he is, men dressing up as women is not an original idea.

You must be getting a hell of a lot of traffic from Harry, Ivan, because a few of these restless souls are clicking to my site from the link you have so kindly displayed. Most are probably too intimidated by your wit to comment on your posts. If I were you, I would write a post titled "How I made an arse of myself in Nantucket" to put them at ease. Then they'll soon be eating out of the palm of your hand.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Who told you about Nantucket? Oh, the shame, the shame!

If I was truly intimidating, I think I'd know it by now. Certainly my wife and kids don't seem to fear my wrath. Occam's Razor suggests that they are too kind to comment...

Glad to hear the traffic is circulating. I have no idea how many hits I'm getting - is there somewhere I should go to for that info? Anyway, anyone desparately seeking the exit from my little corner of Hell has at least a 25% chance of arriving at yours - it was the lest I could do :)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Try sitemeter. The address is:

http://www.sitemeter.com/

It's a totally free service - you just have to copy a bit of code they give you into your blogger template. The sitemeter symbol then
appears in your blog. You can use the 'manager' option to exclude visits from your own browser from the count.

Try not to spend too much time poring over the statistics you can access. Dr Maroon became fixated on the world map showing the location of each visitor. I think he's better now.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Thanks, GB - I'll check it out!

Anonymous said...

Michael is actually an undercover tool of the neocon cabal aimed at promoting freedocracy all over the Middle East. They actually sent him over to Bahrain to show everyone how only in America could a poor black boy turn into a rich white woman. Take that, Saudi Arabia!

--Desargues

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi Des - I rather wish Saudi Arabia would...

PI said...

Yes but Ivan you could be Mr Terrible here and Mr Sweetie Pie at home. Glad to glean the info re stats. I am embarassed that I still haven't got links down the side. I tried yesterday and got green hieroglyphics stuck in my mouse. Is there an idiot way to do it?

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi Pi - wish I could say I'm an expert!. All I did was to go to the template page, scroll down until you see the code for the archive, then paste in the links code under that. The code for the links is here:
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=110&topic=22
Hope that helps...

Aunty Marianne said...

I reckon he's had more face surgery to try and get to a point where he can travel incognito.

Or - he thinks he's Lawrence of Arabia and has had even more surgery and will come out of the wraps looking like a young Peter O'Toole.

Shudder.

Ivan the Terrible said...

I don't mind him *looking like* the young Peter O'Toole so long as he tries to *act* like him too. He'll be dead of alcohol poisoning in a week.