Monday, January 30, 2006

Welcome to self-awareness corner

More news of those whom my friend Gorilla Bananas charitably calls “alpha males”, as Donald Trump surfaces in a Time magazine article about effective working habits. He ascribes his phenomenal creativity and success (sic) to his strict routine of taking regular downtime for thought and reflection.

I’m sorry, but I don’t find this at all credible. A moment’s real introspection would immediately present him with two questions that he has quite obviously never asked himself:
a) why on Earth did I marry that hard-faced Czech bitch?
b) what the fuck is that thing on my head?

Photo finish though it is, I think the former question the most pressing. When I was living in Moscow in the late 80s, I was amused by the many pointless and Byzantine ethnic rivalries among the various Slav populations I met, but easily the most unpopular with all the others were the Czechs. They were universally condemned as Teutonic wannabes, effortlessly combining German charm and Slavic efficiency. This reputation is not entirely unearnt, as I discovered in Prague a few years later, but on the whole the Czechs are a friendly and pleasant bunch. But that Ivana Trump is stamped right through, like a stick of sour rock, with preternatural golddigger malevolence – Hillary Clinton with a beehive.

She has a yacht, you know. She calls it Ivana. Further comment would be superfluous, but suffice it to say that while the East Germans had a wall to keep their folk in, the Czech border was mined to keep Ivana from coming back.

Donald Trump and unobtrusive accessory, yesterday. Obviously exhausted from all that thinking he’s been doing.


Anonymous said...

Is Ivana Czech? I thought she was a Slovene. Or maybe that's La Trump III, her hated successor in the connubial graces of The D?

A combination of German charm and Slavic efficiency--that somehow conjures in me a vision of a dour Stakhanovite factory worker with the easy plastic smile of Dieter Bohlen. [shudder]


PI said...

He swears it's real you know - his rug. At least Ivana did unto Donald as he deserved to be done unto or words to that effect.

Anonymous said...

You were right, Ivana is Czech. It's the younger bimbo who's from Slovenia. I also tracked down a few of Trump's musings. Here are some nuggets of intermittent wisdom:

"You know, it really doesn't matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."

"It doesn't hurt to get more education."

"Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser."

It's gotta be that half-German heritage that prompts the Donald to engage in all this arduous reflection thing.


Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi Des - yes, he's a modern-day Goethe, isn't he? No wonder he keeps picking on the Slavs. And they on him, we should note...

Hi Pi - you put your finger on the saddest aspect of the whole affair. They were just so *right* for each other. It's the kids who suffer most, of course...

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think the thing on his head is the more pressing problem. A rich man, after all, doesn't even have to live with his wife. He just uses her as a fashion accessory when he goes out. The only puzzling thing is why Ivana preferred Trump to her compatriot Martina Navratilova, who's supposedly far better in bed.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Good point re the wife being just another accessory, GB. Perhaps he should wear her on his head instead of that ridiculous rug? Couldn't be worse, after all.

Anonymous said...

You all are stupid, poor and stupid.