Sunday, December 10, 2006

Food for Thought

Margaret Thatcher once observed that the facts of life usually turn out to be conservative. Perhaps, then, we should not be surprised to learn that charitable impulses do to.

Puts me in mind of one of my favourite jokes:

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week”. The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as “How to Improve Your Business” and “Becoming More Successful.”

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.” The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

It’s practically libellous, of course. Who ever heard of a Democrat offering to pay their bill?


Charity in action, yesterday. Obviously not as caring as taxing everyone else and then hiring a huge well-paid staff to hand out the few remaining crumbs. I mean, where’re the votes in that?

11 comments:

Desargues said...

Whew. Time for a good old joke. 'Twas getting real hot in here.

However, I find it hard to believe that a policeman would leave a dozen donuts untouched. A physical impossibility, in my meagre experience. Why do you think they all drive Crown Victorias? Nothing short of a Crown Vic could carry their lardy behinds.

How about a joke about La Clinton -- you've been ignoring her for a good while now. Or, while everyone's at it (feels like it's August 2000 again) why not gang up on Oedipus Tex, the C+ Augustus?

R. Sherman said...

Glad you're back, Ivan.

No one touched, figuratively that is, my Swedish penis joke in the last post, dammit. I thought it was funny, but got stoned for being an anti-semite.

Of course, you're right viz. charity. It's always easy to spend other people's money. There are quite a few who have perfected the skill.

They are referred to as, "My first wife."

Cheers.

Anonymous said...

So this Democrat walks by a Salvation Army collector, and the Salvation Army guy asks for a donation. The Democrat says, "Sorry, you gave at the office."

I'll be here all week!

Can't stand Power Line, though. They're so relentlessly, mindlessly partisan. Or they were a year or so back when I stopped reading them. I'm okay with Dubya, compared to the two craven, rebarbative blowhards he ran against, but calling him a genius more than once in the same post is pushing it. Actually, more than zero is pushing it.


P.S. If Democrats could produce Buckleyan phrases like "rebarbative blowhard", I'd take 'em halfway seriously.

Desargues said...

I enjoyed your joke, Randall. Although, to be honest, it's hard to think those uniformly hot Swedish women would have much of an opportunity to be misled about it being eight inches long. Avoir l'embarras du choix is your difficulty, if you're a Scandinavian chick.

And I'm also on board re: first wives. Luckily for us guys, we sometimes get a second chance to make up for past errors.

james g said...

Like Norman Mailer said, "You never really know a woman until you meet her in court".

PI said...

Not all first wives hang men out to dry. I was told the chief difficulties of divorce were children and money but as my children had left home and I didn't want any money there should be no problem.

Rob said...

Ladies and Gintlepong, I give you the next president of the United States. Sadly, not likely to happen...

Desargues said...

"Castrating the IRS and the FCC," I like that. Hope he appoints his friend Sascha D as head of the FCC. Maybe this way I can watch "The Wire" on some local channel without worrying about the "childrun." That should give that fatso Michael Powell a heart attack.

Rob said...

I missed all of the wire, as my asshole cableco didn't carry that channel & it's not repeated anywhere now I've got Sky. Suppose I could steal it off the internet.

R. Sherman said...

Pat, dear.

Apropos of recent days events in the comments of this blog, you should rightfully take offense at my joke and demand an immediate apology from me.

I will then feel suitably chagrined and fall to my knees requesting absolution.

Or we can all agree that this is fun and let it go.

Cheers.

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