Monday, December 11, 2006

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

A new diaspora emerges, as the Institute for Public Policy Research announces the results of their survey into the distribution of ex-pat Britons.

Fully 10% of the population has shaken the dust of Blighty from their sandals and lit out for greener pastures. The IPPR offers no analysis as to why, although many might suspect that the existence of bodies like the IPPR, who track people for the sole purpose of finding new ways to tax and meddle with them, might have some bearing on the matter.


Not the least surprising aspect of their findings is that there are more Brits in Spain than in the United States. Of course, many would counter that it’s easier to get into the Spain than the United States. You’d think they might have considered that fact a little more carefully before moving there, but it’s too late now. It’s paella and property scams for life now for those knuckleheads.

A comparative study of the Irish revealed huge concentrations in New York’s Police Department, Chicago’s Fire Department and Boston’s bar staff. Strange that the sea-divided Gael can arrest criminals, put out fires and spend twelve hours in a bar without getting drunk, while their stay-at-home cousins lay waste to entire neighbourhoods on a nightly basis. Is this evidence for natural selection? That Darwin bloke might be onto something after all…


Warning – here be Brits…

10 comments:

Desargues said...

So a full 200,000 of you prefer the treacherous delights of French bread to the sweet rolling pastures of Albion. So much for patriotism. I thought that was a virtue the British quietly invented before the French stridently began to advertise it in 1799.

From the map you generously posted, it looks like Argentina and Brazil must be full of Brits, yet they are nowehre to be found in the statistics. They're probably all beach bums sleeping on the sands of Ipanema or sipping a medium-body red in Mendoza County.

But why would the British monarchy allow a full million and a half of its loyal subjects to move to Australia and Ireland -- is this some kind of affirmative action in reverse, injecting talent into the former colonies to make up for past wrongs or something? Or maybe they're all decent people who fled the anomie and urban decay of Merseyside, seeing as the castrated police is unable to protect them from the chavs? The fact that said British exiles didn't go to Scotland may be some support for my conjecture.

Anonymous said...

Scuse me.

Scotland is in Britain.

Rob said...

By the looks of that map, they've all either gone somewhere where the food & booze are considerably better, or that we used to own (notice not both).

AndrewM said...

As Brits it's our duty to go out to the colonies and beyond to do missionary work. don't assume all those Brits in France are enjoying it - they're probably just trying to show Jean-Pierre the benefits of Steak Pudding and Mushy Peas. I admire them.

I couldn't do it myself. Proper beer and proper football would be too much of a wrench.

Reverse expat said...

According to your map, we have no information as to the number of Britons in Britain...
Somebody is not doing their job.
(Hey! I suppose it's a better gig to go and hunt these slippery sods in sunny Australia than back home...)

Desargues said...

Anon:

"Scotland is in Britain" -- ummm, yeah... Not for much longer.

Gorilla Bananas said...

These maps are not helpful because they only give information about quantity and not quality. No one minded Dr David Livingstone coming to Africa, but he didn't shave his head and throw furniture in bars. And why are they so many Britishers in the artic areas of Canada?

Anonymous said...

Spain? Of course. That migratory pattern has been instinctive since a man named Wellington went there to train uniformed clerks many years ago. He left a scent trail that his countrymen still follow. It's one of the miracles of nature.

Anonymous said...

I have been looking for these stats for ages!!!
Just to prove a point to a friend that the czech are not invading, well immigrating in mass to the UK. Oh contrayo ho ho ho... The Brits are coming the brits are comin'

Anonymous said...

I can speak to the benefits of a life in Australia, especially in this the week of sadness for followers of British Cricket. We have lovely weather, similar crap food if you choose and a drinking culture in tune with the Brits. So the weather alone is enough for me.