Friday, October 20, 2006

Special Advertising Supplement

Need piss-poor quality at not-terribly-low prices? Look no further than SCOTCHMAN™ brand convenience stores, serving the surly and disappointed folk of the coastal Carolinas since 1923.


Now featuring:
Passive-aggressive staff
27 different types of menthol cigarette
Extortionate mark-ups on luxuries like milk and baby formula
Authentically Glaswegian pools of piss in the restrooms
Tam-O-Shanters


Ask us about our ethnic stereotype sensitivity training!


SCOTCHMAN™ – the name you can trust… to be open at 3am, provided it hasn’t been robbed yet…


A Scotchman (sic), yesterday. Satisfaction guaranteed, or no money back…

10 comments:

PI said...

Och! Wee Billy Connolly has shaved his beard off!

Ivan the Terrible said...

Och? Och? Ooooh, you are so going to pay when Sam sees that one...

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Only if the ch is unaspirated.

I grew up 'mongst ochers of the Teuchter (choochter) variety so my own ochs are of a different kind all together. See, an islander or Highlander is more likely to say "Och! There's no whiskey left!" whereas a lowlander, influenced more by Old Scots than by Gaelic, will say "There's no whiskey left! Och!".

See the difference there?

Someone from the seedier end of Glasgow, of course, will say "There's no oching whiskey left!" (With or without headbutt)

ncp car parks said...

am i the only one who can the see the potential for a class action law suit here? If we can get enough incoherent Glaswegians to pass through those stores long enough to be offended at the racial stereotyping/discrimination on display we could own that oching chain by hogmanay!

Rob said...

Sweet baby jesus on a moose. Don't tell me the bit of Carolina you live in looks like that? It looks worse than Heston services. Also, that is one ugly looking car.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Just passing through, Rob - just passing through. You don't dare touch the brake in a Scotchman neighbourhood...

Thomas Pauli said...

You mean ... someone would rob a place like that ? (Please excuse the word "place" for that hole!)

Fat Sparrow said...

Gee, and here I was thinking "Wow, that's so much nicer than where I live."

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