Sunday, February 05, 2006

Church Militant

Every now and then, among the endless stream of stupidity and low-grade evil that comprise the average day’s stories, one sees the bright golden glimmer that denotes a nugget of pure good news – a little item that restores one’s faith, however briefly, that God is in his Heaven, and all right with the world.

And so it is that today we thank the Lord for the existence of Bill Stuart-White, and appropriately enough, for he is a genuine vicar and so predisposed to that sort of thing.

It seems that three alcopopped hoodies wandered into Evensong and made off with a parishioner’s handbag, only to find the Vicar in hot pursuit, his robes streaming behind him tanquam vexilla regis prodeunt inferni. After a brief chase, the bag was recovered and the hapless chavs delivered into the hands of the local constabulary.

It is always a mistake on the part of the criminal classes to presume too much on the forgiving nature of Christians. Even Anglicans have a respectable tradition of tough love that still occasionally surfaces, as in the case of the Rev Stuart-White. I am put in mind of an acquaintance at university twenty years ago – a wispy little man in the Christian Socialist tradition who, being goaded beyond endurance by the blasphemies of a grinning Trotskyite, suddenly gave the cheeky commie a decent uppercut. Backpedalling desperately, the startled Trot attempted to make light of the matter by offering to “turn the other cheek” – whereupon with the immortal words “Sod you, I’m C of E”, my friend followed up with a righteous haymaker, dislodging both a trendy Guevarista beret and several expensive items of dental hardware.

I had not thought to see his like again.


The Rev W Stuart-White yesterday. You’re fuckin’ *nicked* my son…

9 comments:

R. Sherman said...

It always seems the world remembers New Testament forgiveness but forgets our Bible has the Old Testament in it as well. Occasionally, the time is right for a little "Old" time religious butt whoopin'

Cheers.

Anonymous said...

It's comforting to see the CofE still has a few ministers of old vigorous stock left in it. I thought they were all into feel-good, watered-down Christianity lite these days. I just hope the good vicar's superior won't reprimand him for not showing appropriate sensitivity toward disadvantaged minorities such as young rednecks. They're victims, you know, so that makes them inherently innocent. Ask your average humanities professor.

But Randall's right, I think. It's a mistake to reckon all Christians are stoned hippies welcoming you to their belongings. For each meek St Francis, there's a fiery Bernard of Clairvaux; for every sweet Catherine of Siena, there's a tough Giulio della Rovere. Unbelievers watch out!

--Desargues

Aunty Marianne said...

The vicar who married my cousin and his wife looked like she was Head Girl AND Captain of the hockey team. I wouldn't cross her in a month of Sundays. Not long into her thirties, and already absolutely terrifying.

Honked like a goose.

Aunty Marianne said...

P.S. Ivan, I'm Terribly grateful for your link. May choirs of angels bring black, glistening ink for your pen and endless supplies of lead for your pencil.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi RS - yup, plenty of fire and brimstone in the OT to be going on with, but it's not as if the NT is short on it either. Just ask the moneychangers in the Temple. The precedent is set.

And Des - good examples of the militant end of the spectrum. The Anglicans are short of characters of such stature, but then again there have not been any comparable figures in Catholicism since the 17th century either. It's the times and not the people who have changed. If things go on as they are in Europe we might find we need them again - but also that we have had them among us all along.

Aunty M, you're welcome re the link, of course! As for honking like a goose, that seems to be an occupational hazard for Anglican vicars, as mine does the same. Something to do with the King James' Version, do you think? Good thing they don't sue...

Anonymous said...

The Trotskyite bastard got what was coming to him. In a sense, they're just like Christians--asking us to believe in the irrational, but without the Christians' evidence from prophecies, miracles, and witnesses to the faith (I take it Hitchens doesn't count as a martyr of the Trotskyite Church by anyone's account).

"Credo quia absurdum", Tertullian put it. I can take that from a father of the church, but not from Leon T.

--Desargues

PI said...

Another delightful story was the clutz who tripped on his shoe laces, fell down the stairs and shattered three Ming vases. the museum, not surprisingly have banned him for life.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Ah, Pi - let he who is without shoelaces cast the first stone...

fatmammycat said...

Excellent, that story has improved my day no end.