Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Why I am in favour of gay marriage

Among the many joys of the passing years are the colourful and imaginative additions one suddenly finds on one’s annual medical. Up to the age of 39 it’s all innocent fun – “look this way”, “cough”, “are you remembering to wear a condom?” nudge nudge wink wink, and so on: on the whole still very similar to when they’d make you run around the gym in your underwear at Primary School.

And then you hit 40.

All at once a very long and scary list of intrusive tests appears, apparently brainstormed by world-class sadists in the Violent Wing at Broadmoor and then rigorously ranked for high Pain and Humiliation quotients. One is required to fast. There are needles. There are smears. There are more needles. You are no longer allowed to keep the underwear on. And now it’s the car park, not the gym.

Above all, there’s the prostate exam. My doctor is a personable young black woman who has learnt to channel several centuries of racial tension via her index finger, summoning unbelievable killing force into that humble digit like a kung fu master. I wouldn’t mind so much except for her accompanying cry of “Virgin no more!”, which I felt was frankly unnecessary.

And yet, amid strange sparkly lights and the dizzying musical ringing in the ears, I have an epiphany, if it’s possible to have an epiphany when one’s eyes are quite so tightly shut. If gay men are prepared to put up with similar or worse voluntarily, for love, who are we to deny them a wedding band? Surely no greater proof of devotion can be asked or offered. Skip the bans and break out the confetti, I say. They’ve earnt it.

Not lesbians, tho’. They have it too easy already…


A gay marriage, yesterday. Fair play to them.

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

A fair point, Ivan. On the other hand, if there's any decency left in us, we'd try to warn them that putting themselves through all that pain ;-) for the mere sake of marriage is a losing deal. We ought to warn them about the humdrum routine, the petty arguments, the never-ending financial worries, the kids who grow up to hate you, the intermittent, strangely-timed headaches, and the humiliation of divorce. Is it worth it, I ask?

But let them learn their lesson. That's when both sides will realise they're just like us (at least in marriage), thus taking the wind out of the sails of identity politics.

--Desargues

HA HA HA said...

tahts why i oavoid doctrs.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Would be nice if you were right, Des, but I expect they'll come up with something else to complain about. After all, not being just like us is the whole point for some gay folk I know...

Hi 3H - let me know how that works out for you when your arse suddenly falls off :)

Foot Eater said...

I went for my annual prostate exam recently. Imagine my horror when I felt both of the doctor's hands on my shoulders.

Anonymous said...

A German fellow told me a joke much to the same effect, Foot Eater. I'm afraid I can't repeat it on a respectable blog such as this. ;-)

--Des.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Yes - somehow it always sounds worse in German, doesn't it? Then again, everything sounds worse in German...

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think what Hx3 is saying is that he'll be buggered if he'll submit to the kind of examination you did.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Yup. And I'm saying that he'll be fucked if his prostate blows up on him unobserved.

Hobson's choice, really...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you're totally right, Ivan. Here's a most telling example--no offense to Randall Sherman's lovely wife, I'm sure she left Germany before it all became a dog's breakfast: do you know how they say 'girlfriend' in Germany these days? It's supposed to emphasize one's autonomy and freedom from commitments and shit, but it just sounds ridiculous and barbaric:
"Lebensabschnittsbegleiterin". Literally, a 'companion for an interval in one's life'.

Them Krauts need to get their linguistic shit together, I'm telling you.

--Des.

Anonymous said...

Ivan--

in your latest comment at Harry's Place, you say "The morale is, in Colombia,..." I suspect you meant to say, the MORAL is, etc...

I know, I'm really annoying. But foreigners are often reactionary conservatives in matters linguistic. :-) That's why they still read tedious stuff like Anthony Trollope.

--Desargues

HA HA HA said...

iven - yeh wel. i figur i balence it out by smoking.

lebensabschnittsbegleiterin? wel atleast its catchy. betar then 'signifacent othar'.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it sounds cooler, 3H. And it doesn't let people know that anybody else besides your g/friend is an insignificant other.

--Des.

Ivan the Terrible said...

D'oh! My spelling seems to get worse as I get older. Just as well I'm not German, really, judging by "lebensabschnittsbegleiterin". One must be thankful for small mercies.

"lebensabschnittsbegleiterin", eh? Wow - the chicks must melt when they hear that. "Darling, won't you be my companion for an interval in my life? Don't bother getting unpacked or anything, tho'." Who says romance is dead?

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I agree with the point about everything sounding worse in German. An innocent request like "pass the salt, please" sounds like "Invade Poland immediately! We meed more liebensraum. And somebody make my boots shiny!" If that sounds awfully long, it's on account of the compound word nature of German. Don't ask what "pass the mustard" sounds like.

But what really concerns me is wht sort of primary school made you run around the gym in your underwear? Golly, no wonder you blog!

I'm a fan of yours, incidentally

Ivan the Terrible said...

And let's not get started on "ich liebe dich!" and "du bist mein beste freunde!" I'm sorry, but no declaration of affection should make spittle fly.

Thanks for the kind words, Sam. May the HTML Gods smile upon you, and fix that slipped sidebar soon...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Sam has a point there, Ivan. Sounds a bit like a German elementary school to me. :-) Or is that how they ease kids into gentlemanliness in Britain? No wonder some of their MPs choose such strange ways to kick the bucket:

http://www.fantompowa.net/Flame/autoerotic_deaths_in_uk.htm

Say what you will about Teutonic languages, but at least they're rich. Sure, you need a rubber tongue to pronounce most of their words; however, no one can accuse them of a chronic lack of synonyms. Why, they even have another term for 'girlfriend':Lebensabschnittsgefährtin. Non-committal, as it befits a cold descendant of Kant, the inventor of autonomy.

And now for the bonus: which one of you, with the exception of Randall (who musta gotten plenty of practice) can pronounce this true linguistic monster:Streichholzschächtelchen.

Heh, heh. I didn't think so.

--Desargues

Jamie said...

Say whatever you like, Ivan, but you and I both know that you've booked yourself in for another prostate exam next week. ;)

Foot Eater said...

I can pronounce it, Desargues. Streichholzschächtelchen. There, that's right, isn't it?

Ivan the Terrible said...

Yeah, "Streichholzschächtelchen" is an easy one.

Anyway, you have provoked me long enough with off-topic comments about the Germans - we have a whole post about them today, so knock yourselves out...

R. Sherman said...

Popped in on this one a day late, I see. I've discovered that if you separate them from the hive, they can be quite pleasant. The important thing is not to allow more than three or for to be in the same room at once.

As for the language, I agree it sounds like crap. The reason I majored in it was quite simple. I had to take 12-13 hours of foreign language at Mizzou. French and Spanish were everyday affairs. German was only three times a week.

Cheers.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Sorry Randall - was it three or four Germans or three or four gay weddings in a room at once? How on Earth did we get onto the Germans anyway?

Whatever. I still remember a German guy in Budapest haranguing me and an American friend about how the US was an imperialist power. "Excuse me", replies the Yank, "but didn't you guys just try to take over the world? Twice?"

HA HA HA said...

dont mentoint eh war!

Ivan the Terrible said...

Too late :)

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The Declaration of RE-Independence
[Prospectus: The Individual vs. The Corporate Conscience]
While the term "individual", as regards each of us, has "gone to seed" in the human race, the ethics of the corporate has gone to hell.
We humans have lost sight of our own horizon. While a nation of participants ("We the People" turned into a loose collection of spectators, the business of America morphed into a monster of business.
Instead of "In God We Trust", on our money, money is now the god we trust [the love of $money$ having replaced real love]. While the stock market crash of 1929 was catalyzed by over-extended margins, the morality crash of our recent business climate is the result of under-extended ethics.
It is now left to us citizens, "We The People", to prevent our Titanic ending and reverse this trend, where the Fates have become the Furies, the Muses became the Harpies, and the Sages have become the fools!
.....Let us change our form of government overnight to the better, to something that works, as outlined in our primary legal document, The Declaration of Independence**; and except for vital and emergency services, put the current forms of government "on hold" until our ship of state is repaired and functioning for everyone's best interest, with equal opportunity for ALL, in the most powerful yet anemic country on earth; no longer FantasyLandUSA, but the land of the brave and free again!
[The mechanism by which we change our form of government is about the only unused portion of our original, founding documents, and it's time to see it put to good use]
.....We will go back to the future we were detoured from years ago when people sought after $money$ instead of love, and business/sports/entertainment instead of family. We must not again mistake our tools and their methods for the life in our lives!
"Without a sign his sword the brave man draws, And asks no omen but his country's cause". Homer [Homer could have been just as easily speaking of someone like Cincinnatus, a 5th Century B.C. Roman {the Ohio city, Cincinnati, was named for him} who George Washington was likened to ---> even our own founding fathers would be in open revolt and rebellion against our current national government !!]
**[[Dec. of Indep., 2nd paragraph: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men ((people)) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator (( 2 Corinthians 3:17 )) with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.---That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. --->>> That whenever ANY Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."]]

Also--->Amnesty International: America's offensive against global terrorism was "bankrupt of vision" and has "made the world a more dangerous place"..................
------------>Help the USA re-invent itself before we implode on the loveless iceberg of obscene greed and rampant materialism! The country you save will be your own!! .............Abraham Lincoln said that "Equal opportunity for every American was the un-finished work of America"!...............Benjamin Cardozo [US Supreme Court Justice, 1932-38]:"A great principle growing into the promise of its' logic, that some day 'All Men Are Created Equal' might mean just that".............................Thurgood Marshall [US Supreme Court Justice], referring to Charles Hamilton Houston, the father of the 20th Century's equal rights movement in the United States: "Charles Houston saw a society that refused to live by its' own principles".

-->It says: "In God we trust" on our $$$, but $$$ is now the god we trust......
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