Monday, February 13, 2006

Their eyes are bigger than their bellies

Light begins to dawn as to why the news has been colonised by one whale story after another lately. There’s just too many of the damned things. And now we know who to blame.

The Japanese have suddenly and inexplicably gone off whale meat.

For a while Japan’s brave fleets continued to kill and butcher them with the single-minded purity of purpose so typical of their island race where bloodshed is involved, but eventually even these dedicated professionals cottoned on to the fact that there was no point killing more whales than anyone was prepared to buy.

Hence the oceans are full of Flipper's fat friends – so many that you can walk across the Channel dry-shod on the heaving mass of blubber, with the surplus ending up in the Thames, a menace to shipping.

Fortunately, the selfless public servants of the Japan Whaling Association are fighting a noble rearguard action with their new informational pamphlet “Delicious whales!”, to be distributed free to all households. The mind boggles to imagine how it might be illustrated, but I’m sure its arrival is eagerly anticipated by the whole family.

One can only hope that it works, and the Japs start reaching for the ketchup once again with their old-accustomed vigour. Only then will sanity return to both rivers and newsrooms around the world.


Go on – get it down yer neck, my son! Lovely…

3 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

But whales are full of blubber, so their meat is not suitable for the low fat diet that doctors recommend for the naked ape. Body-builders, on the other hand, are full of lean muscle meat. Nor are they an endangered species - not yet anyway.

PI said...

I'm green with envy at your ability to illustrate your posts with photos. My son and I spent hours yesterday trying to stick a photo on my profile. Two ended up on a post - we managed to get rid of one and then gave up in disgust.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi GB. Body-builders might not be endangered in your neck of the woods, but they're pretty damned scarce around here, let me tell you. With some of the locals I meet, it's hard to fight the overwhelming impulse to hose them down and lever them slowly back into the nearest river. It's probably no coincidence that Greenpeace has a bad name around here...

And hello Pi! Sorry to hear you're having troubles with your pics. Wish I could help, but as much depends on the specific model and OS of your laptop, I daren't be too specific re advice. That said, all I do is hit the upload button and follow the instructions. Might just be a matter of being patient if you're on a low-bandwidth connection like dial-up. If you think it's frozen and try to re-do, you might well get crashes or duplicates. Fingers crossed for you anyway!