Monday, March 13, 2006

Furry lobsters, supercreeps…

The dedicated scientists of the French Research Institute for Exploitation of the Sea (Ifremer) have excitedly announced their latest discovery, a species of hairy lobster native to the South Pacific. Some of the boffins theorise that the “yeti lobster”, which thrives around geothermal vents, uses the hairlike filaments to catch food. An alternative school of thought among their older, sadder and wiser colleagues is that it is recently divorced and just can’t be asked to shave.

Encouraged by this success, the gallic geeks of Ifremer are planning to redouble their pursuit of that elusive holy grail of marine biology, the bearded clam. Curiously, the pasty deoderant-free Frenchmen, who spend all their waking hours in labs smelling of fish, have not managed to track any of those down yet. Maybe next year.


The hairy lobster, yesterday. I searched for bearded clam images too, but got some rather off-topic results

14 comments:

Desargues said...

Maybe it's only French geeks that find that hirsute bivalve so elusive. Reliable sources tell me the rest of the Gauls engage in spearing the bearded clam with much gusto, and have apparently little difficulty locating them--much to the envy of their Anglo-Saxon counterparts. The nerds at Ifremer should occasionally leave the neon glare of their labs for the neon purple of the dance clubs. Plenty of clams around those places, I'm sure, although some of them may be rather glabrous. But, bushy or not, a clam in hand is always worth two hairy ones in the sea.

Foot Eater said...

This is worrying news. Next thing you know, pubic lice will have evolved hair and then I'll never be able to locate the buggers.

PI said...

Are you being polite? In the UK we would say 'can't be arsed to shave.'
I wouldn't fancy eating hirsute lobsters.
I hope you are feeling better.
'Glabrous' thanks Des. I thought it was a jaberwock word - but no!
Could one have a glabrous experience?

PI said...

foot eater : if you are looking for lice in the hair look behind the ears - the warmest part - and if you see little tear shaped things clinging to the hair that is a nit which will hatch out into a pediculus and volla - you have lice!

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's the bald head and sideburns looks. Very Victorian. I don't think much of a lobster immitating the kind of human who persecuted poor little Oliver Twist.

HA HA HA said...

dahhhhlink you loook glaaabrous!

Desargues said...

3H, that phrase has become part of the bedroom etiquette we have all acquired since the 1980s. Gotta be somehow related to advances in technology at Gillette, I suspect. Probably that's why "spearing the bearded clam" is rapidly becoming obsolete; these days, those in the know talk about 'burying the baby leg.' :-)

Desargues said...

But what really puzzles me is that they have an institute in France dedicated to the exploitation of anything at all. I thought they were all socialists around there. Well, maybe there's still some hope for Gaul, after all.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi Pi - were you a school nurse, by any chance? You seem to know your lice very well. If you were, could you please explain what that whole "running around the gym in your underwear" thing in primary school was about? Or was that just my school? Damn those Catholic priests!

Hi GB - actually it looked more Edwardian, to me. You can just see the cigar in his hairy claw, can't you?

And Des, you're making the same mistake as the search engines. We're talking about clams here - they live in the sea. What's all this rot about nightclubs? All you get in Parisian nightclubs are 130 euro bottles of vodka - and lots of morally-challenged females willing to help you drink it. Or so I'm told...

And Footie, I happen to know that French pubic lice already have hair (see above). But then of course they do. They're French.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I live in America where we don't have French pubic lice. We have Freedom pubic lice.

Foot Eater said...

I'd buy 130 bottles of vodka if they cost only one euro each.

PI said...

No Ivan - not a school nurse. You clearly haven't ben reading my blog but fortuitously as you are ill and have enforced leisure you can have a browse. I promise not to ask questions later.
In my day we were modest school girls and wore gym tunics which covered our knickers.

Just Jane said...

If there is a prize for funniest blog title this should win it.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Sam - good one. Makes me want to go out and get some just so I can use that line...

Footie - you'd be at the back of a very long line.

Pi - stop with the gymslip teasing, before they stick a XXX rating on us. You minx.

And Jane, nice to find someone on my wavelength out there occasionally. Hope your therapist charges less than mine.