Friday, March 31, 2006

I am woman – see me duck

While the Islamic Republic of Iran has made great strides in recent years in the field of executing rape victims, concerns continue to be raised as to whether Islamic justice can keep pace with all those evil little harlots out there flaunting themselves in their baggy chadors, shamelessly naked under their clothes.

Pausing only for a cold shower or two, the Majlis has finally hit upon the solution – combine military training with summary justice in the form of the new Khomeini™ brand “interactive” rifle range targets.


Women’s groups throughout the Western world rushed to ignore this latest development yesterday. “We feel it’s inappropriate to condemn another culture” explained Natalie Broadhead of Wimmin’s Action Against Male Oppression, idly kicking a man in the nuts for holding the door open for her. “It’s essentially a form of imperialism, which is an exclusively male crime of course. Anyway, those guys look a bit nasty. They’d be burning our offices before you could say clitorectomy. I think we’ll stick to pushing shit through Larry Sommers’ mailbox, if it’s all the same to you…”

Unveiling the new targets in Tehran yesterday, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared the Khomeini™ “a great day for the Islamic Republic”. “Of course, this is only a first step. Just wait ‘til we have nukes – we’ll be able to chastise these wicked females in bulk then, as Allah intended.”

Mr Ahmadinejad went on to plug three in a row through the X ring, winning a giant teddy bear for the “nephew” accompanying him.

Update! If, like our good friend Des, you are one of those deranged individuals with quite unfathomable and irrational prejudices against hanging rape victims, why not go here and sign the petition to save the poor lass? At the very least, they will know that they are being watched...

46 comments:

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I can see clearly in that photo that one of these women is flagrantly exposing her pretty wrists and therefore wantonly inflaming the groins of all the men around her. Speaking as a housewife who always keeps her wrists modestly enmuffed (if that's not an oxymoron), I think raping and point-blank execution is too good for the hussies.

My husband becomes enraged if he sees me answer the door to male house-callers without my wrist-muffs. If he sees the postman looking at my saucy wrists he immediately orders me to get back to my naked vacuuming where a Socal housewife belongs.

Desargues said...

Is that moving targets in the picture, or is it a fierce squad of Muslim female dispensers of revolutionary justice?

But seriously, what the fucking fuck is wrong with those people? Looks like that unshaven creep Ahmadinejad is begging for someone to JDAM some sense into him.

Ivan the Terrible said...

You can get your whole wrist into your muff, Sam? That I'd like to see. No wonder your husband wants to keep you to himself.

I think we know what's wrong with them Des. As the Muslim Brotherhood slogan has it, "Islam is the Answer"...

Foot Eater said...

Bit blue, that, Ivan!

What does JDAM mean? It sounds good, and just what Ahmadinejad needs, but I like to know what punishments are being inflicted in my name.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Crikey, Mr. T! Blue indeed. I did, I guess, set up the joke with my oxymoronic 'modestly enmuffed' construction though, and did have a slight "erm" twinge as I typed it and upon posting I thought "erm" again, but then decided to be more interested to see who would jump on it first. As it were. God, I can speak no pure this morning, it seems. I've been reading Gordon Maclean's pornography post I blame him, entirely for my fall and undoing.

Anyway, I too want to know what JDAM means.

Rob said...

It's a bomb with a gps device strapped to it. Fuck-all good if you want to bomb Birmingham or Slough (and who doesn't?)- roundabouts you see. I reckon the magic roundabout in slough is capable of making any technology the us military has go 'beep, fizzle' and never work again.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

JDAM: Joint Direct Attack Munition. Thanks, Rob, for explaining it better than either of the sites I looked at.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Of which this was the better of the two

Desargues said...

First round of them smart bombs sponsored by Gillette--the best a Muslim madman can get. Looks like he could really use it.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Tha's right, Des. We know where he needs it, and Sam has bravely shown us the way. Or at least signposted it for us.

Rob, it's no coincidence that black holes like Birmingham and Slough are surrounded by GPS-disabling contrivances. It's their natural defence mechanisms kicking in - otherwise we'd have bombed 'em flat years ago. Not to mention that the entire population would leave if only they could find the way out.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Those tent-like costumes are a licence for debauchery. A woman could sneak a whole midget into one of those.

Ivan the Terrible said...

It's beginning to sound like Sam doesn't even need the gown for that, GB. Another way in which the West marches ahead of Islam in all fields of worthwhile human endeavour...

PI said...

Blue indeed!
Hands off Slough and Birmingham. I get hits every day from them and beggars can't be choosers.

R. Sherman said...

Ivan, other than the obvious, of interest in your link was the following quote:

"Nazanin, who was 17 years old at the time of the incident, said that after the three men started to throw stones at them, the two girls’ boyfriends quickly escaped on their motorbikes leaving the pair helpless."

Per your prior post on our northern cousins, I'm sure we all can't wait for the day that Sharia makes an appearance in our fair land, as a sop to cultural relativism.

Cheers.

Desargues said...

Makin' fun of those vile shits is cool, but you can go here to do something concrete for that poor girl. Well, it's not as concrete as giving Cheney sniper training and sending him to Tehran, but it's a beginning.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi Randall - yes, the men over there sound like real prizes, don't they?

Des - good find, will do.

PI said...

Thanks Des - have done so. Good job you learnt how to do the blue underline thingys. Maybe one day.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I just clicked on your original link, Ivan (I hadn't even bothered to before, for some reason) and realized that this was actually about a real live woman in real peril. Crap. I think, in light of the topic, my first comment was a bit cavalier and off-colour. Sorry, people. That'll teach me to pay more attention.

Des, I'm off to follow your link now. Well found.

Ivan the Terrible said...

No worries, Sam - everyone enjoys a cheap muff joke. And this is truly one of those cases where you have to laugh or else you cry...

Desargues said...

Thanks a bunch for taking the trouble, folks. Also: there's a little comments box on the web page where you sign the petition. Don't forget to tell those ayatollahs that they ought to be ashamed of themselves for this. Should you be of a more fiery disposition, like me, you could also tell them that the laser-guided bomb that's gonna incinerate them is just coming off the assembly line. USA, baby! Yeah!

PI said...

IVAN; NEWS FLASH;-CONDOLEZA IS GETTING ENGAGED TO JACK STRAW - AIN'T IT SWEET1
PAT

Ivan the Terrible said...

She can do waaaaaay better, Pi. I know Jack Straw from twenty years back, and he was a spineless weasel even then. My guess is that he's just dazzled in the presence of actual talent and integrity.

PI said...

But you were supposed to fall for my April Fool jape.
Drat!

Desargues said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Desargues said...

My college publishes a weekly newsletter; last year's April 1st issue carried a front-page article claiming our school had finally been allowed to join the Ivy League. The headline had an air of verisimilitude about it, so I totally fell for it. I could already see myself in a few years lounging on thick leather couches in Manhattan with other university alumni, sipping Calvados and puffing on big cigars. When I realized it was a hoax, I nearly sat down and cried. This year, Jon Stewart comes to speak at the graduation ceremony.

Ivan the Terrible said...

So all's well that ends well, eh, Des? I'd sooner have Jon Stewart than Poison Ivy any day.

Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Payday Loans said...

Hey nice blog. Although it�s not what I was looking for. I am looking for info on Payday Loans or a Cash Advance so I can buy some Hoodia Diet Pills.. I found your blog very interesting

No Hassle Loans said...

Hey very nice work here. Although it�s not what I was looking for. I am looking for info on Payday Loans or a Cash Advance. Very interesting site

Anonymous said...

Jedną wśród dziedzin, które na dzień dzisiejszy pełnią nadzwyczaj ważną rolę na rynku jest księgowość.

To ona będzie odpowiedzialna za ewidencjonowanie
poszczególnych zdarzeń finansowych na rynku, które mogą być wyrażone w
wartościach pieniężnych. Ona także będzie obiektem zainteresowania wszystkich
przedsiębiorców, jacy postawili się na założenie prywatnej firmy.

Ostatecznie wszyscy z nich są przymuszeni do rozliczania się z instytucjami finansowymi państwa,
jako część gospodarki krajowej. Ujmując ją
jako część nauki można ją rozpatrywać na kilka różnych
typów.
Feel free to visit my web site ... extor krs

Anonymous said...

Wówczas jeśli przyjrzymy się bliżej branży, którą jest księgowość, mamy szansę
utwierdzić się w przekonaniu, że ma ona swój sprecyzowany cel w istniejącej gospodarce.
Konkretnie właśnie to ta ma na celu wytworzenie prawdziwego obrazu majątkowej sytuacji, w której są konkretne podmioty gospodarcze.

Przedmiotem zainteresowania tej dziedziny, którą będzie księgowość, są również zachodzące zdarzenia gospodarcze, które mają miejsce
na rynku jak również firmy i podmioty, jakie mają brać w nich czynny
udział. Należy pamiętać, iż w zasadzie każde takie
wydarzenie rynkowe może wpływać na sytuację gospodarki krajowej.
my web site > Extor praca

Anonymous said...

Aktualnie rynek propozycji rachunkowych na pewno nie
może upominać się na brak sławy. To wszystko ze
względu na fakt, że znacznie wiecej osób zdecydowało się na zarejestrowanie swojej firmy.
Takie rozwiązanie może być dla wielu osób bardzo satysfakcjonujące, bo oczywiste jest, iż najlepiej jest zostać szefem dla samego sieci.
W rzeczywistości z założenia prywatnej działalności gospodarczej wynika bardzo dużo obowiązków, które mogą pociągnąć do odpowiedzialności każdego przedsiębiorcę.
Zwłaszcza wówczas gdy chodzi o podatki. Jednakowoż, jeśli korzysta
on z ofert dobrego biura rachunkowego, to nie musi się niczym
martwić.
Here is my web site ; extor sp z oo białystok

Anonymous said...

Współcześnie rachunkowe biura nie muszą upominać się na małą liczbę klientów.
Przychodzą do takich w głównej mierze właściciele firm, jacy mają niewielkie firmy.
Takich przedsiębiorców jest dzisiaj na rynku naprawdę dużo.

Zarządzając i obsługując samemu działalność gospodarczą,
nie da się o wszystko zadbać osobiście. Biorąc to pod uwagę korzystają oni z propozycji oferowanych na rynku, które są się doskonałym
rozwiązaniem. Jedną z branży, która zajmuje się obsługą takiej działalności jest właśnie rachunkowość oferująca możliwości
księgowe, która musi czuwać na prawidłowością finansów w
firmie.
Feel free to visit my blog :: Extor

Anonymous said...

Hi, yeah thiѕ ρoѕt іs rеally nice and Ι have leаrned lot of thіngs from it about bloggіng.

thаnkѕ. mouse click for source

Anonymous said...

What's up everyone, it'ѕ my first gо to seе аt
thіs web page, and paragraph is truly fгuіtful for me, keep up рosting such content.
just click the following website
My web page > just click the following website

Anonymous said...

obvіously like your web-site but you need tο take a loоk аt the ѕpеlling on quіte а few of youг posts.
Several of thеm aгe rіfe ωith sρelling issues and
I in finding it very bothersome to tell thе
гeality on the other hand I'll definitely come back again. visit the next internet site
Also see my page: visit the next internet site

Anonymous said...

hello!,I reаlly like your ωгiting vеrу so much!

proportion we keep up a corrеspondеnce extra approxіmately your post on
AOL? Ӏ need a speciаlist on this aгea to sοlve my ρroblеm.
Mауbe that's you! Looking forward to look you. check this

Anonymous said...

Its not mу first timе to pay a quick visit
this web page, i am ѵіsiting this site ԁailly and obtain pleaѕant facts fгom here
all the time. Facts You are able to Use About Tinnitus

Anonymous said...

I сonstantly ѕpеnt my half an hour to read this ωebpаge's articles daily along with a mug of coffee. This Site
My web page - This Site

Anonymous said...

Havе you eνer thought about wгіting an e-book оr guest authoгing on other blogs?
I hаνe a blog centered on the same subjеctѕ you discuss and ωould loνe to have you shaгe somе
ѕtorieѕ/іnformatiоn.
I know my subѕcribers wοuld value your ωork.
If уou arе even remоtely interested, feel free to ѕend
me an e-mail. visit the following web site
Also see my webpage :: visit the following web site

Anonymous said...

With havin sο much written content do you ever run іntо
any prοblеms of plagorіsm οr copyright infringement?
Мy website hаs a lοt of exclusivе content I've either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content from being ripped off? I'd genuinely appгeсiatе it.

Guitar Mania Playing the Guitar Left Handed

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing such a pleasant thinking, piece
of writing is nice, thats why i have read it fully

Have a look at my web page: coffee machine

Anonymous said...

Outstаnding story theгe. Whаt happenеd
after? Τаke carе! various separation anxiety disorder in Adults at Night

Anonymous said...

It's an awesome piece of writing for all the web viewers; they will obtain advantage from it I am sure. http://www.moleswartsremoved.com/how-to-remove-genital-warts/

Anonymous said...

But opponents say there are no Jeremy Lin apps in the student
loans for people with bad credit iTunes store. He added: If
anybody stole it, it is the server that people are
trying to express. Read the customer reviews for Student Loans for People with Bad Credit an online friend-finding
service. This does not apply in the virtual world.
Access student loans for people with bad credit Mastery Center Blog
for more student loans for people with bad credit Marketing reading pleasure.