Thursday, March 02, 2006

Getting one’s goat

A Sudanese man has been forced to 'marry' a goat reports the BBC breathlessly, unimaginatively filing the story under “Africa” rather than “Entertainment” or “Agriculture”, or even “Agricultural Entertainment”.

It seems that Mr Tombe, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, was smitten by the silky little temptress as he made his way home one night. Unfortunately for him, no sooner had he leapt the garden wall and consummated his passion than his neighbour appeared through the floor like the Demon King, inquiring with justifiable acerbity as to Mr Tombe’s intentions. To this question the trouserless Mr Tombe found no ready response, and he was hauled off before the local council of elders lickety split.

Mr Tombe was ordered pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to his neighbour, receiving in return the goat, who remains in his possession at time of writing. I can’t imagine that it made a very comfortable addition at the breakfast table that morning, especially if Mr Tombe is already married.

I suppose that we shouldn’t be too hard on Mr Tombe. After all, this sort of thing has an ancient pedigree (cf Aesop’s fable of the Spartan boy and the fox, where to my mind not the least remarkable thing is that the boy planned to eat the fox afterwards) and is hardly unknown in England, either. In some ways it’s an inspiring story, if only because this example of sharia in action will put extra backbone into Welsh support for the War on Terror.

But what about the goat? No-one seems to know or care how she feels about all this. After all, as is so often the way in backward patriarchies like Sudan, she didn’t get any choice in the matter. Who knows - maybe she would’ve preferred the bloke down the street? At least he brought her flowers.


A nanny goat, yesterday. A sad yet undeniably alluring symbol of oppressed womanhood everywhere.

15 comments:

Foot Eater said...

I won't make a joke about interfering with kids because I've already done so (made the joke, that is) on another site in relation to the same story. Instead:

It's every woman's nightmare that her man will run off with the nanny.

Desargues said...

I tend to think Mr. Tombe has a bit more sense than another one of his fellow Africans, who instead offered Bill Clinton 20 heads of beef cattle and 40 goats in exchange for the hand of his daughter, Chelsea, a bovine appearance by most accounts:

http://www.amren.com/mtnews/archives/2005/07/councillor_who.php

Strangely, Bill turned down the generous offer. This is most surprising, coming from a man known for his fondness for cows during his tenure at the White House.

Just Jane said...

Marrying goats and marrying stray dogs. Everyone appears to be at it like rabbits (with rabbits?) with animals these days.

PI said...

I was going to say 'Not England surely!' and then read the Guardian thing. YUCK! Now Wales or Scotland...
foot eater is just getting too funny.
Maybe Spring is in the air.

R. Sherman said...

First gay marriage, Ivan, now this. As your blog ages, I begin to make sense of your news surfing habits.

Cheers.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Good one, Foot Eater - that's the title I wish I'd thought of :)

You have it all wrong Des - Bill would've had to *pay* 20 cows and 40 goats to marry Chelsea off, as a dowry. And if he'd sold them all off like that what would he have done for jollies after all the typists had gone home?

Rabbits, Jane? That's just crazy talk. For a start, they bite. Just ask Jimmy Carter.

And Pi, yes, I'm afraid it happens in England too. But then again he looks a bit Welsh to me. Perhaps he was just visiting? I love the part about him hiding behind a shed, but then shuffling out into plain sight again, still firmly engoated. A cry for help there, surely?

Ivan the Terrible said...

Blame the BBC, Randall - it's a hotbed of left-liberal perversity, I tell you. Run before it's too late! Run, and don't look back!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Why does the animal always get penetrated in these stories? Tell me when a human gets buggered by a ram.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Oh God, GB - now you've done it. Someone always tries to post that video of a guy getting humped to death by a horse.

You know who you are. Just don't do it, OK? Don't. Do. It.

Desargues said...

Oh no. Not that abomination--please. I'd rather watch Pat Robertson than that thing.

Desargues said...

Hey, Ivan--why don't you write a post on that twisted part of the world that is Scandinavia; only there can a teacher who shows 14-year olds porn clips be reprimanded only for "possible copyright infringement":

http://news.monstersandcritics.com/europe/article_1003105.php/Teacher_shows_porn_clip_in_sex_ed_class

Ivan the Terrible said...

They say "teacher shows porn clip in sex ed class" like it's a bad thing. *sigh* When will the world learn?

Any sort of sex ed worth the name is barely distinguishable from porn anyway. I certainly didn't learn anything useful about sex in a classroom. Not when there were teachers around, anyway...

Katie Clapham said...

I see you found my photograph of a Nanny Goat useful in your blog.

As the photograph is copyrighted, asking permission would have been appropriate, as would have giving photo credit.

So, here is a tag for the photo:

Nanny Goat, Copyright Katie Clapham, Elemental Images Photography, www.worldswalker.com

Interesting blog...

Anonymous said...

My colleague suggested that the category for this news story should have been "animal husbandry".

Poor Mr. Tombe - the "butt" of so many jokes now.

Okay, I guess we've "milked" this for all it's worth now.

Anonymous said...

...not finished yet. I hear that the bride ate both her bouquet and her wedding dress...and started on the cans tied behind the car...