My kids have been drinking Snapple again.
With every Snapple comes a “Real Fact” inside the bottle cap, which the kids, bless their little cotton socks, save up to show me. As a long-time parent, I find the ability to feign interest an invaluable skill…
“In 1900, 1/3 of all automobiles in New York City were powered by electricity.” Which sounds impressive until you realise that there were only three automobiles in the whole city in 1900, and that the other two were powered by specially imported Italian midgets in gerbil wheels.
“The fastest recorded speed of a racehorse was over 43mph.” Not from any of the three-legged neddies I’ve had any money on.
“Antarctica is the driest, coldest, windiest and highest continent on Earth.” And the most boring.
Who actually researches these? Are they meant to be interesting? Surely they used all the fun ones years ago? If this threesome is anything to go by, whatever desperate drone they have walled up in the “Real Facts” Research Crypt of Snapple HQ has long since lost the will to live. Let’s just hope that when they finally snap(ple) there are no high-powered rifles or clock towers involved.
“Help help im trapped in the real facts dept at snapple they wont let me go oh god oh god kill me now” Coming soon to a bottle near you…
Snapple “Real Facts”, yesterday - now available as a board game. Oh. My. God.