Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Missing Link

The story of evolution just got a little more complicated, as science demonstrates that early men and chimps continued to interbreed for at least a million years after the initial split of the two species. Boffins theorise that these miscegenous contacts took place mostly on Saturday nights, around closing time, in the alleys next to paleolithic kebab shops.

If nothing else, this finding speaks volumes for the lengths to which the human male will go to achieve temporary satisfaction, no matter how unnatural or distasteful the means. For example, I knew a young man at university from whom no jar of honey or peanut butter was safe. Not even switching to crunchy peanut butter could slow him down – in fact I suspect that he preferred the texture. Eventually I had to start keeping mine locked in my room, the loose-lidded little minx.

Anyway, at least now we know where scousers come from…


Some scousers, yesterday, in their picturesque native costumes. You all saw that one coming, right?

7 comments:

johnnyboy said...

Interesting, the way a Liverpudlian looks just like a New Jerseyite (only the logo on the T-shirt varies - akin to the spots of felidae). Descendance, or convergence ? I wonder which one is more evolved than the other.

irreverentmama said...

I can say without any exaggeration at all that it had never occurred to equate my nether regions with a jar of peanut butter. Envisioning the force required to penetrate something as dense as PB, I'm reluctantly impressed by the strength of his...spreader.

Rob said...

Would one not first fashion a cavity? Just butting away at a brand-new jar seems like it would be somewhat unsatisfying.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Hi JB - just be glad they're not cross-breeding. That would be a mess of Norfolk-esque proportions...

IM - maybe it depends on the brand? The organic ones my wife insists on buying for the kids all seem pretty sloppy.

But from what I remember of early eighties Sun-Pat, my money's on Rob's cavity technique...

Gorilla Bananas said...

I can guarantee that it was the human who made the first move in every case. Poor chimps! Gorillas, of course, are strong enough to resist the unnatural urges of their naked cousins. There are more than a few dickless Frenchmen who will testify to that.

johnnyboy said...

Ah, those frenchies. They do like the hair, don't they ? Or is it the breath ?...

Ivan the Terrible said...

The voice of bitter personal experience from GB there, I fear...