FAILED STATES 2006 - TOP 10
1. Sudan (3)*
2. DR Congo (2)*
3. Ivory Coast (1)*
4. Iraq (4)*
5. Zimbabwe (15)*
6. (Tie) Chad (7)* and Somalia (5)*
8. Haiti (10)*
9. Pakistan (34)*
10. Afghanistan (11)*
* Position in 2005 report
Congratulations, Sudan! A sterling effort in what was this year an extraordinarily crowded and competitive field. Finally, all those years of nurturing that “perfect storm” combination of militant Islam and sub-saharan Africa is paying off. With Iraq and Afghanistan on a five-point handicap to allow for all the help they’re getting from the US military, Sudan’s place at the top is secure for three or four years at least.
Despite their best efforts to utterly wreck the country and destroy its culture, pride, essential institutions and international credibility, Britain’s Labour Government had to make do with a disappointing twelfth place.
“We’re gutted!” declared Foreign Secretary Jack Straw yesterday. “We really thought we’d got the mixture right this year, based on the Fund for Peace’s own published criteria…”
Mr Straw proceeded to outline Britain’s qualifications to the assembled hacks:
mounting demographic pressures – uncontrolled immigration
massive movement of refugees and internally displaced peoples – ditto
legacy of group grievance-mongering – Muslim terrorists on the Tube and wannabe head-hackers demonstrating in the streets
chronic and sustained human flight – anyone who can leave Britain has probably already done so
uneven economic development along group lines – compare public and private sector pensions
sharp and/or severe economic decline – consider that box ticked
criminalisation and delegitimisation of the state – oh yeah
progressive deterioration of public services - yup
widespread violation of human rights – does the phrase “control orders” ring a bell?
security apparatus as "state within a state" – see above
rise of factionalised elites – Gordon and Tony
intervention of other states or external actors – if the Scots don’t count, there’s always Brussels…
“We spent decades spouting nonsense about how socialism could raise Third-World basket cases up to Western levels of peace and prosperity before we realized how much easier it would be to reduce Britain to their level instead” said a chastened Tony Blair, taking up the theme, “but alas, we obviously overestimated our powers of destruction. It seems Britain’s private sector is just not taking the hint about corruption and incompetence from our example.”
“Maybe some mail-order peerages, 30,000 extra labour-voting NHS management drones and a few more whoremongering retards in the cabinet will do the trick…”
A failed state, yesterday. How long must Tony dream?