Thursday, June 08, 2006

Keeping it in the family

My wife buys the original (un-“Special Edition”-ed) Star Wars trilogy on video, to share the magic with our boys so she says, or more likely to revisit her teenage crush on the young Harrison Ford. Trying to enter into the spirit of the thing, I watch the last one, Return of the Jedi, which for some reason I have never got around to seeing before.


And an eye-opener it is, too. So Luke and Leia are brother and sister, eh? Good thing they never went past third base then. Or so one hopes, anyway.
“You’re my sister, Leia!”
“Crap. What are we gonna tell the kids?”

Compared to that nightmare scenario, the odd topless hand shandy pales into insignificance, really.


Apart from the dated special effects and the peculiar eyebrows on the dying Vader, what really stands out for me is what a bunch of utter bastards the rebels are. What the hell are they playing at with those Ewoks, eh? They con a bunch of Stone Age teddy bears into worshipping a gay robot, and then send them off to fight a vicious high-tech battalion of Imperial Stormtroopers, who promptly turn them into gonks. Call that very ethical? ‘Cos I don’t.

Where’s the Enterprise when you need it? The Federation would have Luke Skywalker behind bars before you could say “Prime Directive”…


“Manipulating physical laws by means of some intangible Force? That is illogical, Captain…”

8 comments:

johnnyboy said...

Hadn't figured you for a trekkie, ITT. Am a bit partial to this type of SciFi, meself.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Spock looks like he's had his fringe/bangs cut squint to accomodate his frequent raising of a quizical eyebrow. And what products is he using to get that healthy shine? (Envy)

Ivan the Terrible said...

No, JB, I've avoided the more debilitating variants of the Trekkie bug, thank God, despite a small soft spot for DS9. Flesh Gordon left me cold tho'. Comedy and sex don't mix well for me - but I suppose that's because in my experience most of the laughs occured when I was stripping off.

Sam, if you want to look like a Vulcan, I offer you Sub-Commander T'Pol...

Desargues said...

Must confess I don't really get sci-fi. Probably it's because I grew up in Eastern Europe, which began to lag behind the West technologically in the Seventies, never to recover until we got rid of the goddamn Commies. My past may also explain my fondness for steam-fi, like Jules Verne and H.G. Wells. The light-sabers and shit were cool for a movie or two, but at the end of six episodes they feel ridiculous. And so does Darth Vader's hoarse wheezing. I also gave Captain Picard's bunch a try, but its warmed-up trans-galactic humanism rather made me fall asleep (no offense to trekkies, tho'). I say, the writers of that show ought to read some Machiavelli and Hobbes before they get so worked up about spreadin' goodness all over the Milky Way.

Last week at the gym, I was browsing their collection of old magazines, to find something to look at while I'm sweating my ass off on the stupid StairMaster. Came across a stack of glossy pulp fiction called Fantasy SciFi. What the hell is that, I wondered. Romance with three-breasted women from Mars? Sex inside a spaceship? Buxom female earthlings eloping with tall, dark Klingons? Didn't have the guts to read one--they just felt dirty.

Desargues said...

First some Dutchmen want rights to screw children, now these retards want rights for apes. That's why I'm never going back to that godforsaken continent.

If Mr Bananas reads this coment, pray don't take it as a personal affront--we all cherish our simian friends a great deal.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Who needs Sci Fi when you've got the Dutch?

johnnyboy said...

No argument from me, boys, but you should look in your own backyard, where you might find this, and of course this.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Too true, JB - all we're missing is the Man-Pet Love Association, "For those who can't love their companion animal too much". But at least when NAMBLA comes to town, people in the States go after them with rifles rather than wringing their hands Euro-style from the sidelines...