Saturday, June 24, 2006

Shit jobs


#5: Glaswegian milkman

13 comments:

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I hope he's got air-conditioning in that thing otherwise his cream will surely curdle.

In the rougher parts of Glasgow I don't think dairy is even a commonly consumed food group. In the Gorbals, for instance, lactose-intolerance is rife, the sensitive stomach there react violently to anything other than chips and the hard stuff, and cows are only valued for stabbing practice.

The postmen are recruited directly from Sandringham.

Gorilla Bananas said...

It would be easier to squirt it at them from a giant tit in a hot air balloon.

Anonymous said...

Is there a translation for ignorant Americans as to what that thing is?

Ivan the Terrible said...

Sam - that's Sandhurst you meant, surely? Tho' Sandringham would raise fun possibilities.

GB - I don't see why Glsgow should get better service than the rest of us.

And Anon, that vehicle is a 1970s vintage British Army APC, as used for urban patrols and riot control in Belfast, among other British garden spots. Of course, that was over thirty years ago, so it looks a bit quaint now. Most of our boys stationed in Iraq would give their right arms for anything half so well equipped.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Ivan, you are, of course, right. Sandhurst is what I meant.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I like Sandringham too though. Hmm.

Desargues said...

Don't mean to be offensive to any of our Scottish readers--but I think back in Manchester they used to tell me that some of'em have a reputation for... erm... being overly fond of ovines? Doesn't that mean they get their milk straight from the source? Milkmen in Glasgow would be as superfluous as milkmen in New Zealand. Or is it Australia? I forget.

PI said...

My husband has this intractable (or some such word)idea that Glasgow is the pits and to be avoided at all costs - not like dreary old Edinburgh. I have been telling him for years that it has been - for some time - an esteemed centre of culture and art.
Thanks a bunch!
As a matter of interest - and I know you are riveted - my first husband did something secret in tanks.

R. Sherman said...

Of course, this entry caused me to decide that I need an armoured car. I told the EMBLOS that, it was time to have a mid-life crisis and that I would allow her to choose the resolution: tawdry affair or armoured vehicle.

It's all in how you phrase things, I think.

Anyway, now I'm scouring army surplus web-sites, when I should be working.

I blame you, of course.

Cheers.

PI said...

DA -VID DA-VID DA-VID
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ivan the Terrible said...

Des, you can be as offensive about Glasgow as you like. I consider it to be an infallible indicator of good taste and wholesome values.

Randall, I can highly recommend the armoured car as an alternative to a tawdry affair. For a start, with an armoured car you don't have to stop at just one tawdry affair. You can get any number of impressionable ladies to climb inside to look at your weaponry. And when they ask if you have protection, you're no longer really lying when you say yes.

And Pi, I shall not ask what secret thing your husband did in tanks, unless it somehow explains why you two suddenly had to get married. Did he use the "Come inside and see my weapon" line on you, too? It never fails, you know...

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Pi, I second your DA-VID DAAAAAA-VID!

Happy, happy day!

Rob said...

I used to travel about with the illegal rave crowd in the 90s and a lot of the more quixotic individuals had ex military vehicles. Fucking great fun they are. I warmly recomment buying one.