Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Out of the mouths of babes…

An innocent search for tongue-twisters on kiddies’ BBC raises some awkward questions of appropriacy as we stumble across news of a remarkably gifted young fraulein:

German schoolgirl Annika Irmler has licked her way into the Guinness Book of Records with her whopping seven centimetre tongue.

"My friends always said I had an incredibly long tongue - I could make lots of money with it one day," said Annika.

Don’t tell me that that quote passed unremarked in the copy editor’s crypt.


By my reckoning, that girl turns sweet sixteen this year. Time for a “Where are they now?”-style follow-up, surely? Earn your licence fees for once, you sad lefty pervos…


The painfully naïve Ms Irmler struts her stuff, yesterday. I bet she regrets that quote now.

18 comments:

HA HA HA said...

oh man tahts crepy.

mabye she cold leaan to play bass.

Desargues said...

More than men, I suspect it is Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres who must be eternally grateful for Ms Irmler's linguistic endowments.

R. Sherman said...

Surely, there must be some career choice available, other than the obvious. Perhaps I should google it and report back.

Cheers.

johnnyboy said...

Maybe in the TV ad industry - say, as a stand-in for the Geico gekko ?

Ivan the Terrible said...

All these suggestions are wasted effort, I'm afraid, guys. Don't forget - she's German. It's strictly kinde küche kirche for her, unless she goes into the formal job market. And once Germany's jobmeisters get hold of her, her fate is sealed...

PI said...

Poor girl! What on earth does she do with it when she goes to sleep. It could choke her.

johnnyboy said...

"The government had considered making brothels an exception on moral grounds, but decided that it would be too difficult to distinguish them from bars."

What the hell kind of bars do they have down there in deutschland ? Or maybe I should ask what the hell kind of government they have...

Anyway, now there's a whole new meaning to saying "Just get a fucking job !"

Ivan the Terrible said...

Pi - we're still talking about her tongue, here, right? Just checking...

And JB, unless all the eye-candy in the brothels actually have price tags hanging around their necks, you can see the bureaucrats' point. Once you accept the premise that the State should be involved in stuff like this, logical progression will lead you right over an ethical cliff every time.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

But both prostitutes and alcohol are not only used but regularly abused too. Isn't that better for everyone if both occur, in the main, in well-lit, comfortable establishments with telephones and bouncers on the doors.

The inability to distinguish a pub from a brothel indicates either the limitations of the German language or the doofus-like nature of their bureaucracy.

Right now, under the Problem roof, we have a 19-year old German girl staying with us who can tie a knot in a cherry stalk with her tongue. They appear to be unusualy gifted in this mannner, the Germans. Does Cirque De Soleil know this?

R. Sherman said...

In the EMBLOS' hometown, the pubs are along the Danube, have gardens and fat guys playing the tuba. The brothels are on the outskirts with names like "Nacht Cafe" and Palais d'Amour.

Cheers.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Wouldn't being French-kissed by a girl like that make a man feel gay?

Ivan the Terrible said...

Sam, by that analogy, Ms Irmler can probably tie a Shroud Knot, Drop Loop and Flemish Eye all at the same time.

Randall, I shall pass over your unexpectedly detailed knowledge of Bavarian brothels in studied silence.

And GB - that's a risk I'm willing to take... once she grows up, of course.

R. Sherman said...

Actually, Ivan, the directions from my in-laws to the official grossmutter in law included the phrase "am Freudenhaus links."

Cheers.

Desargues said...

Sam, alcohol is never abused--only children and women are. One enjoys alcohol, to various degrees: from understated appreciation to frenzied elation to delirium tremens. Sometimes, admiration for some things knows no bounds. When needed, I pay my supreme hommage to it in muted prostration--under the table. Or I used to, in college, when my devotion to it had hardly any limits.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Ah Des, you are a believer.

Rob said...

"strictly kinde küche kirche" have you seen the german's idea of porn? They'll have her rimming midgets in no time.

Rob said...

"strictly kinde küche kirche" have you seen the german's idea of porn? They'll have her rimming midgets in no time.

Desargues said...

I remember watching some, when I was a teenager, behind the Curtain. Some of them had titles like "Schmutzige Spiele." And men were groaning phrases like, Och, Veronika, du saugst mich auf!--or words to that effect. German porn is hilarious every way you look at it. Or it was in the Eighties.